I remember what you wore on the first day You came into my life and I thought "Hey, you know, this could be something" 'Cause everything you do and words you say You know that it all takes my breath away
2 is better than 1-Boys likes girls feat Taylor Swift
Here I'm again passing by my blog filled with dust/cob webs/fungus/mushroom and (insert whatever you feel like putting here). Been very demotivated to blog all these while because I just lost the drive to do so. Well, since the last update nothing really much happened actually
I'm still going class as usual, I'm still waking up with heavy heart as usual, I'm still passing by my days with unnecessary stuff and wasting money as usual, I'm still struggling with my personal stuff as usual, and I'm still living with this boring daily routine for my few months of my life.
Yea, some of you might say "Oh, just go out and find something new to do! Be adventurous and and try new stuff!". The fact is, there's really nothing that captured my attention to do so. I was thinking venturing into instrument classes for guitar or maybe picking up the drums. But hopes failed me when college music club died off last semester. Oh well, tough luck.
As you guys know I'm into competitive gaming. But things getting dull lately for it. Somehow I felt, it is time to let go on this commitment and time to concentrate things which is much more important to me. Well, am I starting to grow up already?! Or I'm just thinking too much or being vain for thinking being mature. Well, I'll leave that for you guys to judge.
Lately, things getting pretty tensed up among my friends. It's quite sad to hear their stories where things gone wrong unexpectedly and caused so much of pain to them. Well friends, no matter what stay strong kay?! Time will heal the wounds that caused to your heart. So yea, just try take a break from all these and enjoy your freedom while you can before meeting your prince or princess =).
Sighz, I don't really know how to put my emotions into words. Everything seems so plain, empty and hollow. It's like, there is nothing to look forward as each day passes by. I used to look forward attending my classes(I know it sounds damn wrong for a person like me saying this), but not anymore. Classes now are getting much more pain in the ass lately. I fear one day I might sway back to my old self which I don't give a damn bout my subjects and tend to slack off and caused my nightmare to haunt me again. Been trying very hard to keep on pushing or at least maintain a pass for my semester so I won't ever disappoint my parents anymore. I know, I've been the most useless child in the family all these while for not achieving anything that made them proud. Both sis and cousins are so successful in anything what they were doing, and I still yet to find anything to show that I'm really good at. And I always wonder, am I good in anything?! God knows.. or mayb not? -.-"
Yea, I sound like a loser now. In fact, yes I felt myself as one too. I just can't help it. I'm very demotivated towards life lately. I feel like I'm living for no purpose at all. In moral class, my lecturer asked me "Hey young man, what do you want to be when you stepped out of college?" Such an easy question, I can't even give an answer to that. I sorta, felt kinda ashamed of myself that at my age of 21, an official adult, I still can't determine my future. To be frank, I'm really clueless.
A friend of mine told me that one will find motivation if he or she keeps her confidence high. The fact is, I need something to spark me up and start going. Well, I'm yet to find the x-factor yet. Hope lady luck will be by my side to open up some path that I can stand back on my feet and start pushing on.
And yea, for the "She" case. I yet to come up with any conclusions. And yes, I've fallen really deeply for her till it clouds my judgments. I don't know what is real or illusion right now. I felt very helpless. Should I just continue waiting for an opening opportunity? Or just forget it for being naive for seeing false hope. I'm seriously lost. I'm really scared to take the step because this may hurt our friendship if turns out badly. I just hate to screw up a good friendship over silly actions or situations. *speechless*
Mehz, it's almost 4 now. I guess time to call the night off. Hope not another beautiful nightmare for tonight. Dreams can be so sweet and the moment you wake up it turns into a nightmare. Hate waking up in this kinda way which screws my mood for the day. Oh well....
Why I deserve such difficult way in many things while others may go through it so damn easily?
Why is it so unfair?
How I wish life is like just a video game where I can just save and pause from life till I feel like doing so and continue from loading from previous time I saved? Or just start everything afresh like just starting a new game? Or just quit it without much consideration when feel like doing so?
I'm tired..... tired of everything seriously.... tired of this rough road I'm running on....
i can't sleep now, and i tend to think too much, till i get emo now, damn emo now, i dont know why also, filled with questions,doubts,uncertainty, feeling lost, i duno what to do now. i'm going nuts soon....
Sorry again guys for neglecting my blog for a long time again since my last post. Kinda busy with entertainment life recently with load of gaming, outing, yumchar-ing, movie-ing, lepaking that caused my wallet to go on intensive diet program. =.="
College has entered into week 4 now which means mini test and assignment start pouring now onwards. I should be studying for my American History subject since it's another version of a crazy subject that I took in previous semester called Intro to American Govt. Gotta digest that book as much as I can later after updating here abit. Yea yea call me lazy or anything for stealing bone now, but I really no mood to study now =(. Maybe later when my guilt starts to kick in then I'll start studying. But hey, that's me =).
It may be a lil too late to update on this, as I said in my previous post I'm going Penang with my classmates (Alicia,Angie and Thuyen) for the semester break trip. Thx to mum, for allowing me to drive her car instead driving my scrap metal Iswara that I doubted we can reach Penang with the car still in 1 piece. LOL! Had much fun and it's an enjoyable trip altho only 4 of us manage to make it to the trip. Sadly few of them had to pull out last minute due to personal problems. Oh well, all I can say is, damn damn damn wasted you guys didn't go. The food there are awesome ballsome pawsomez~! Stayed 1 night at the city hotel called Northam and the other night at a beach hotel called Bayview. Went sight seeing abit at Penang Hill, Kek Lok Si temple and some other smaller temples. Mainly we were doing more on food hunting xD.
I'm kinda lazy to upload pic here due to my line now its acting like a b!+ch. Well just go to my facebook page to see the pics we took there aite =). Sorry lar, seriously very lazy now =x. Oh yea, thanks to both the girls providing the cam for us to camwhore and to Alicia for her GPS thingy. Without it, I think we gonna have a real detour around the island with no direction. Oh yea, just reminded me a stupid incident, the GPS thingy showed kinda wrong turning, lead us to the bridge where I have to fly all the way back to mainland, make a U-turn and come back to the island just to reach the mall to have our dinner. We were starving like hell that time and that time we were like "OMG LAR WTH REALLY A DETOUR WEH!!" End up we ate at Pizza Hut for dinner that time. Imagine all the way to Penang for Pizza Hut while we can get it near to our home. Hahha pretty lame rite? =p
Hmm, mummy was admitted to hospital just now. Well glad nothing that serious happened. She's having too low blood pressure so doctor recomended her to be under observation under the hospital. Hope things goes well by tomorrow and able to discharge. So please take care of your health ok buddies?! I keep hearing around people seeing doctor or admiting to hospital due to sickness. Thanks to the awesome weather lately which I guess lead to this sicky season. Even me myself don't really feel well for the past few weeks. I just feel so lethargic and my headache attacks me kinda often lately. Screw the global warming man~! SAVE THE TREES! ABOLISH EDUCATION PLS! LESS PAPERS WASTED! xD (psst, less exams? xD)
Alrite, I guess I gotta stop right now. Gotta get my ass back to work on my assignment and read up for stupid test for this coming week. Wish me luck! =) Take care people!
p/s: I just need a lil more time to get things in hand... time will tell me when its the right time to do it.... i nearly gave up, but i can't just let u slip through me just like that... thats how much i want you... =/
Tournament just finished yesterday and results was satisfying. Though my team didn't get to win anything but reaching quarter finals definitely hit our goals. Glad to have nice matches with other teams during the tournament =). I straight crash to bed when I arrived home at nearly 7pm and snore all the way till 730 this morning!!!! What a sweet 12 hour of sleep that I didn't had for ages! lawl~! Didn't even care to have my dinner or online at night and just sleep all the way xD. Since now its over, I deserve to have my good rest for the whole week before college restarts again =(. Penang here I come tomorrow~!!! woohoo~!!!
Hmm... out of a sudden the song "Lucky" by Jason Mraz came into my mind. There's this part of the lyric says ," Lucky I'm in love with my best friend" where I felt is the complete opposite. From a side of view yea it is lucky to fall in love with someone which that is so close to you where you can share everything with him or her and you truly understand each other very well.
But for me, I find it kinda a troublesome thing to me especially in my situation now. Falling for a close friend is kinda risky for me. I've been thinking alot should I had feelings for my close friend which may lead to a mistake I can make. What I fear most is that is just a one sided love I'm in now where all the time I'm just a person where is best to be a friend. I'm scared to let off my feelings because if I make a move and failed, highly chance I'll lose a great and close friend. Get my point now?! Beside just losing a friend, this may cause awkwardness among the group of friends that I usually hang out with and may lead to further complex feeling among us. But I'm really tempted to tell her how I feel towards her, but I just cant do it due to this fear.
So, lucky or not so lucky? What say you?
p/s: How I wish I'm brave enough to say those 3 words to you. Coz i really do. =/
