Why I deserve such difficult way in many things while others may go through it so damn easily?
Why is it so unfair?
How I wish life is like just a video game where I can just save and pause from life till I feel like doing so and continue from loading from previous time I saved? Or just start everything afresh like just starting a new game? Or just quit it without much consideration when feel like doing so?
I'm tired..... tired of everything seriously.... tired of this rough road I'm running on....
i can't sleep now, and i tend to think too much, till i get emo now, damn emo now, i dont know why also, filled with questions,doubts,uncertainty, feeling lost, i duno what to do now. i'm going nuts soon....
Sorry again guys for neglecting my blog for a long time again since my last post. Kinda busy with entertainment life recently with load of gaming, outing, yumchar-ing, movie-ing, lepaking that caused my wallet to go on intensive diet program. =.="
College has entered into week 4 now which means mini test and assignment start pouring now onwards. I should be studying for my American History subject since it's another version of a crazy subject that I took in previous semester called Intro to American Govt. Gotta digest that book as much as I can later after updating here abit. Yea yea call me lazy or anything for stealing bone now, but I really no mood to study now =(. Maybe later when my guilt starts to kick in then I'll start studying. But hey, that's me =).
It may be a lil too late to update on this, as I said in my previous post I'm going Penang with my classmates (Alicia,Angie and Thuyen) for the semester break trip. Thx to mum, for allowing me to drive her car instead driving my scrap metal Iswara that I doubted we can reach Penang with the car still in 1 piece. LOL! Had much fun and it's an enjoyable trip altho only 4 of us manage to make it to the trip. Sadly few of them had to pull out last minute due to personal problems. Oh well, all I can say is, damn damn damn wasted you guys didn't go. The food there are awesome ballsome pawsomez~! Stayed 1 night at the city hotel called Northam and the other night at a beach hotel called Bayview. Went sight seeing abit at Penang Hill, Kek Lok Si temple and some other smaller temples. Mainly we were doing more on food hunting xD.
I'm kinda lazy to upload pic here due to my line now its acting like a b!+ch. Well just go to my facebook page to see the pics we took there aite =). Sorry lar, seriously very lazy now =x. Oh yea, thanks to both the girls providing the cam for us to camwhore and to Alicia for her GPS thingy. Without it, I think we gonna have a real detour around the island with no direction. Oh yea, just reminded me a stupid incident, the GPS thingy showed kinda wrong turning, lead us to the bridge where I have to fly all the way back to mainland, make a U-turn and come back to the island just to reach the mall to have our dinner. We were starving like hell that time and that time we were like "OMG LAR WTH REALLY A DETOUR WEH!!" End up we ate at Pizza Hut for dinner that time. Imagine all the way to Penang for Pizza Hut while we can get it near to our home. Hahha pretty lame rite? =p
Hmm, mummy was admitted to hospital just now. Well glad nothing that serious happened. She's having too low blood pressure so doctor recomended her to be under observation under the hospital. Hope things goes well by tomorrow and able to discharge. So please take care of your health ok buddies?! I keep hearing around people seeing doctor or admiting to hospital due to sickness. Thanks to the awesome weather lately which I guess lead to this sicky season. Even me myself don't really feel well for the past few weeks. I just feel so lethargic and my headache attacks me kinda often lately. Screw the global warming man~! SAVE THE TREES! ABOLISH EDUCATION PLS! LESS PAPERS WASTED! xD (psst, less exams? xD)
Alrite, I guess I gotta stop right now. Gotta get my ass back to work on my assignment and read up for stupid test for this coming week. Wish me luck! =) Take care people!
p/s: I just need a lil more time to get things in hand... time will tell me when its the right time to do it.... i nearly gave up, but i can't just let u slip through me just like that... thats how much i want you... =/
Tournament just finished yesterday and results was satisfying. Though my team didn't get to win anything but reaching quarter finals definitely hit our goals. Glad to have nice matches with other teams during the tournament =). I straight crash to bed when I arrived home at nearly 7pm and snore all the way till 730 this morning!!!! What a sweet 12 hour of sleep that I didn't had for ages! lawl~! Didn't even care to have my dinner or online at night and just sleep all the way xD. Since now its over, I deserve to have my good rest for the whole week before college restarts again =(. Penang here I come tomorrow~!!! woohoo~!!!
Hmm... out of a sudden the song "Lucky" by Jason Mraz came into my mind. There's this part of the lyric says ," Lucky I'm in love with my best friend" where I felt is the complete opposite. From a side of view yea it is lucky to fall in love with someone which that is so close to you where you can share everything with him or her and you truly understand each other very well.
But for me, I find it kinda a troublesome thing to me especially in my situation now. Falling for a close friend is kinda risky for me. I've been thinking alot should I had feelings for my close friend which may lead to a mistake I can make. What I fear most is that is just a one sided love I'm in now where all the time I'm just a person where is best to be a friend. I'm scared to let off my feelings because if I make a move and failed, highly chance I'll lose a great and close friend. Get my point now?! Beside just losing a friend, this may cause awkwardness among the group of friends that I usually hang out with and may lead to further complex feeling among us. But I'm really tempted to tell her how I feel towards her, but I just cant do it due to this fear.
So, lucky or not so lucky? What say you?
p/s: How I wish I'm brave enough to say those 3 words to you. Coz i really do. =/
Hey people out there~! I'm back again updating my lil diary here which now I'm really free to do so =). First of all, final exam for the semester is over! Yup having my sem break now till begining of May. Sounds short but 2 weeks is sufficient for me to get a good rest and relax myself a bit. A too long holiday sure gonna make me rot like mad till i grow mushrooms all over me >.<
Oh ya before going any further, although is a lil bit too late to note this down now but at least better than nothing. Firstly, sorry to my buddies for failing to attend your celebration for you big 21 celebration. Sorry mainly to my bro Melv and Rokz for not making it there for your celebration due to exams. Loads of apologies aite and hope you guys had a blast celebration! As said, this one long hectic,dulanfied and horrifying semester is done for good. I guess attempting 5 subjects this sem is a bad move which really drains everything from me. I don't enjoy going through this sem as previous ones and I eventually lost the drive to work hard towards end of sem. Hope this doesn't cause me too much trouble when my results is out. Well not thinking bout failing any subject, just that I tend to expect the unexpected scenarios. *touch wood* I hope it won't come into reality. Sighz.
Many ups and down happened as this sem passed by. And almost every night, I kept pondering why all these things happens? Am I strong enough to keep my pace? Or even to stand on feet to keep on presevere and push through the days ahead of me? Or am I losing my ground slowly without even myself even realising it? So much thought running through my mind lately which I can't explaine why. I even can't tell myself even I'm alrite or I'm doing not so good now. Too much doubts unanswered left me into a pool of questions. =/
Just recently not too long ago, I discovered a truth which I'm really disappointed with it. Though it should not be my concern anymore, but still unhappy bout it. Seems to be what I did was not good enough to be appreciated and its like a small matter only. Oh well, I guess that's the reality of it and have to accept it because there's nothing I can do bout it. All I can say is... The little things give you away. Nuff said.
I really just wanna escape to somewhere peace and quiet for now. Like somewhere up at a chilly hill or just a beach will be sufficient. I just wanna sit there, clear my mind from all these and rejuvenate for my next upcoming long sem again. I really need that to go through another long and rough ride that is gonna start not too long from now. So yea, hope my trip with my coursemates can be pulled off. Sounds weird right guys?! Even myself felt it too. I used to be a party animal going all out crazy through out my free time. But this time, I would just rather stay somewhere comfortable and just do nothing and relax. I guess I'm really worn out already =/.
Well before going for my trip, I have another task to do. Tournament is up this coming weekend! Go spill all my rage I've accumulated from all the frustration throughout the sem. So wish me luck at least get a win =). It's hard but not impossible. Hope lady luck is in my side for this tournament again.
Since I'm free now, I guess should catch up with some buddies that I didn't get to meet for some time. Really sorry lar boss boss sekalian. I'm really occupied with my college stuff this semester. So anyone free to yumchar ?!?! Really miss you guys a lot man. Not to sound gheyish but seriously I do miss hangout with you guys. How I wish we were back to the ol' good times where we have more time for our hangouts. Curse colleges schedules man!
I guess that's all for now. I'd noted down all my thought for the moment. Need to get into my parents room for air cond. It's so friggin hot these days even rain can't help it. Did earth gotten closer to the sun?! I even feel heatwaves at early hours in the morning where it should be a chilly and a lil misty. Is global warming that bad now?! Is earth gonna blow up in months to come?! lol I'm thinkin rubbish for now xD. Till then =).
p/s: At first I was a fool not to realise it. It was your effortless smile and behavior that charmed me. Therefore, as time passes by, I'd fallen lil by lil for you. And after all this time, it has gone deep. Left me pondering... should I? =)
Hey out there peepooz~~ It's been sometime again I din update my blog due to heavy load of assignments and mini test one after another. Yet i still have 5 test and 2 assignment to due this coming week. Talking bout pain in the @$$ situation, yea this week it is one. Damn.... Nothing much up lately where everything seems pretty routine again. Wake up, go class, come back, online,do assignment, sleep. That's my life recently, sounds boring huh?!?! Yea I feel that too =_=".
I've noticed time is passing by really fast. Everyone was wishing each other happy new year juz recently, but now we are ending our first quarter of the year. Yea, in reality it does sucks coz time passing by fast=getting older faster. Bah! How I wished I'm still a lil kid running around without worries and everyday is just full of laughter and smiles. Life oh life... Why does it has to be so cruel.. Geezzz....
I'm taking a break now from my heavy load assignment now just to scribble something here. I'm so sick of things throwing at me in a load and I gotta get it done within quite a short period of time. Addition to that, finals is coming up in 2 weeks time. It's gonna be 5 days straight back to back without break papers. Within this 2 weeks i guess i gonna camp at library to prevent myself from seeing the devil (my laptop+internet=msn x COD4) =_=". Gotta catch up a lot with my American Govt paper which I know nuts bout wadahell is it and Management paper due to lecturer problem that my class is facing now. We are lack of lectures due to lecturer's sickness and last minute only they replace another one just to keep the class going.
Hmm, my gaming team is progressing bit by bit. Glad to receive support and training from experienced and much more senior team people. Shall go all out into training for upcoming tournament in April (lucky its during sem break xD) and trying to give a more competitive game to others. But for now, kena la study dulu tapi... tangan rasa gatal nak main jugak =p. No choice lar gotta go into meditation for 2 more weeks to finish my exams off first. Can't afford to fail anymore =/...
Anyways, up to something interesting lately but.. Better keep is pnc first.. =p sowee readers bwahhaha... Gotta run now~ Back to work~!!! rawr!!!
